Sunday, April 30, 2006

lying on your resume

I lied and said I had a bachelors in marketing when i was being interviewed for a job i basically knew i already had./...long story..but i am hired to work at mercedes benz of massapequa in amityville, as long as michael, who i sent an apology letter to for lying to him about the degree, decided to still hire me.

knowing god and all he does for me, i hope since he knows ive learned my lesson he wont make me learn it twice by having them not hire me, because being hired and fired in a 24 hour period is NOT a good thing and would really devestate me.

I love the lord and i hope he forgives me on this one and shows micheal to respect me more because i told him

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Online Degree COMMENTS

Online college is a BUST! A BIG HUGE $9,000.00 BUST!

I can afford to do the programs but I just don't feel comfy spending THAT much money.

Instead I have applied to STONY BROOK. I want to finish my major within a year and a half and take a 24 course semester while living at the college for one semester, hopefully this spring.

I want to get it done and I want to get it done right and quickly!

Besides deciding decitions on college I have done nothing but watched the final episode of FLAVOR OF LOVE, which is right now about to end. I think I heard HOPPS wins but I am not sure.

I get sucked into these realty shows alot.

I hope if i decide to live on campus it will not bring me and mike apart but rather show him that I AM serious about college.

A magazine for the luxury of long island based in Rosyln, NY not TOO far away, is interested in me, I emailed them informaly without a resume and the director of art or something got my email and said she would pass it on, I didn't bother to mention I had already sent it to every email of anyone who worked there lol.

Ok so Falva Flav picked Hoops, not a big surprise. I am going to go try and drag Mike out to Applebees tonight for 2fers with Jeff.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

I went to the GYM (yay!)

I went to the gym today with Mike and ran off 200 calories then Biked off 100 more. I really cannot believe I dragged myself there, but like Mike said *Just don't think and go." It seemed to work out.

We wound up leaving without doing our crunches because some kind of class was in the process. I want to start getting involved with those classes, they seem like a lot more fun than just running on a treadmil watching the 100th re-run of some cheesy vh1 reality show OR WORSE... Top Chef!!!

I talked to him tonight about us not spending hardly any time at my house, one day in the past month or so, and he said he doesn't want to come over because we aren't going to hang out in my room. He also said my room was messy and I realised I need to clean it up, but the problem is, as my mom and dad unpack the back room, EVERYTHING I've ever owned gets chucked into my room, so it is sooo hard to take care of. But there are things like clothes everywhere and such that I can improve on.
I feel bad though because I think he thinkgs this is how I live, and IT IS NOT! I used to have the cleanest most organized NYC apartment ever (thanks in part to my clean freak roomate, Adrienne). I don't want him to get the wrong impression and be like, "i could never be with someone like this." And that is where I know his mind is headed, if it's not already there!

In any case, we wound up not hanging out because he did not want to come here and though I was going there, which I guess was implied somehow. I just wish he wanted to spend more time here on my deck during the day, then always hanging out at 8pm, it just gets so tiring going over there all the time, and it kind of makes me feel that he doesn't put in as much effort as me, which is ok, because I don't think he likes me as much as I like him.

I also realised he's good for me in the eyes of God because since he likes to ask questions I need to always be reading and listening to God for the answers, which is an amazing thing. After eBay tonight I have to go look up A LOT of stuff that will be mentioned in the DaVinci Code because I KNOW I am going to get a million questions about it, cause when I first read the book I had a ton of questions too (it's a very convincing novel and I am sure an even more convincing movie.)

Now it's off to eBay, then off to the Bible, then finally off to bed (before 3:30am this time lol

Much love!

The Goldfish Reaper...

HOW COULD I FORGET! I got two new goldfish yesterday!

I went to PETCO for some cat food and got a minnow goldfish, who accidentally went down the kitchen sink drain because I tried to pour him into the strainer and he missed, and then I lifted the drain clogger and down he jumped.

Then I went back and got two more minnow goldfish. Let me start out by saying I did NOT KNOW you had to let them get used to the water.

I put one in and he died almost instantly, he was really pretty too. Then the other one slowly died. So i started to wonder what I was doing wrong.

After calling my dad he then told me I had to let the bag from the pet store sit untill the goldfish were used to the water. He also said since I got such small tiny fish they were more fragile to shock.

SO i SHOCKED three Goldfish to death, the first one I sorta named NEMO, so I am still deciding wheather I will name one of the new ones that.

Anyway I went to a different pet store, owned by locals, which my mom always goes to, and got two bigger goldfish, well they were big to me, my brother says they were very tiny.

So i got plants and aqua blue pebbles and natural colored pebbles and set up my moms old fish bowl.

The two fish are ALIVE and well. My cat peppa has a new source of entertainment, and according to the store owner, won't try and eat the fish, just play with her paw in the water.

When I gave her the last dead goldfish yesterday to play with she playfully put her paw in the water then drank the water then left, so so far so good.

I need to come up with cool names for these fish, maybe biblical so there is a story behind them.

Sex, Sex, and Marie?

I hate my dreams sometimes!

I don't even know if I want to write this down, because I never want to remeber it.

Last night I had a dream that Marie (a well known whore) stipped off all her clothes and laid face down on Mike's bed with me sitting RIGHT next to her. Then mike got on her while she way laying flat face down on the bed and started to motion, well I don;t have to spell it out for you, and said something like *this is how me and Lisa used to be*.


And for some reason I didn't flip out, and asked if they wanted some water, so as I was going to leave I pop my head back in to the room and call her a whore, but then apologise, so she turns to me, with her on her back now and Mike stratling her, "How else am I supposed to get to you" or something like that, implying she was only there to get back at me.

Why am I so insecure about this whole thing. I know he likes me, and I know he cares about me, but for some reason these horrible thoughts about his ex's and situations in the past come creeping into my head. I've prayed for them to leave, but it doesn't seem to be working, well maybe a little, but why do I still have thoughts like this.

I have never been unsecure with myself, this is a whole new experience that I really need God's help on BIG TIME!

So as you can imagine TODAY has not started off very well. I have alot of eBay to ship, including a package to frikin singapore thats gonna cost me about $15.00, and a bunch of other things I NEED to get out today. I start school in a week (which I just found out is going to cost me ALOT more money than I thought, I seriously might as well just go to Post) and I need to get my life in order by then big time. No gym today because frankly I probably won't have the time.

Weight: 153.5

Monday, April 24, 2006

The Weekend From Heaven!

WOW! This weekend was great! Sat. i went to see Ice Age with my family and me and my brothers couldn't stop laughing!

Then I got taken out to the most amazing dinner of the year lol. We fought a little, but who doesn't when someone insults their schooling. He basically said my work wasn't going to be the same as his and therefor I couldn't possibly compete for the 4.0. I almost want to go to Farmingdale to just get a 4.0 and be like HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH LOOK I GOT IT! I mean a good boyfriend is supposed to be supportive and caring about your life choices, not degrading them, and in a sence you. He said online school was for lazy people, and you know what, thats ok, because I thought that too before I looked into it.

Anyway, I just wish he would be more supporitive in my choice to do this college thing online. He says I'll miss out on the college experience, but I've already had that, I am not interested in that. Im not like him, I don't need school to make me feel like I have friends or a social life or that I am acheiving something. Every morning that I wake up and do something I achieve something.

I also told him not everything in life has to be hard to mean something, and he TOTALLY disagrees. It's like if people don't see his efforts he thinks it worth nothing. It bothers me so much because he's one of the most amazing men I've ever met, but He just doesn't get how much talent he has. Hes been *looking* for a job for over a month now, i think he may be a little scared to grow up? Who knows.

So then Sunday was amazing too, because I wound up staying home from church and got alot of stuff done, took alot of eBay pics, and now all day today I am going to list them. eBay's going great, almost everything I had listed sold, which is not a common occurance lol.

Me and Mike went to Chili's for dinner and I had a great time, but for the last time realised I don't like beer like i used to. It makes me fat and full and feel really slow and slothlike. But we did have the most amazing nacho cheese sauce and he had this whole wrap steak thing and


It was gooey and tasted like the consistancy of SUSHI, which is why he likes it I'm sure lol. Then we went to go see Silent Hill and that movie was really amazing. It made me def. think twice about going to hell, and how much I'll try to do what I can right so that doesn't happen.

I am worried about Mike, I don't know if he'll ever understand what my beliefs are all about, although he does take an interest, like this morning he said he was watching some show on religion, i guess it's a start. He comes to church sometimes and went to bible study with me, and that was good for him, because he asked alot of questions and I LOVE WHEN HE ASKS QUESTIONS!!! It makes me feel like I can attribute something to his life!

Well after Silent Hill we went back to his house and laid down together and watching some TV, I accidentally fell asleep, I was sooo tired, and when he woke me up i turned to him and looked in his eyes and I'm like *o God please let him be the ONE" lolol.

Well on that note, I am off to go do eBay so I can go to the gym to impress Mike and let him know I am not LAZY, which I think he might think I am, But whatever, I know what I am , and I am def. NOT lazy most of the time lol.

Peace, Love and Blessings!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

The Beach (Minus Leonardo DiCaprio)

Yesterday and Today are days that I wish I could re-live everyday!

Me and Mike went to the beach yesterday on impulse just to have some fun in the sun. We wound up staying way longer than expected (Like 3 hours more than anticipated). We went to Jones Beach, which was surprisingly crowded for a wednesday. I was just happy Mike had decided to be somewhat spontanious and instead of just watching a movie indoors we had so much fun outdoors. We talked about nothing much but alot at the same time, but most of the time we were quiet and relaxing. Of course just sitting there and not being in the water or anything gave me horrible burns on my face and the front of my neck. So when i went back today I def. made sure to wear 50 SPF!!!

There was this girl in a white bikini that I saw him look at and the whole (do you think about having sex with everyone who passes) convo, which I need to stop having, cause I know it's getting so old to him, but anyway, he gave me the same impression as always, he wants to be with ME and no one else at this point. But after deciding not to have *coffee* anymore it's a little bit more weird seeing him look at other girls, because im always imagining him imagining those girls in bed UGH! But I know it's just my mind playing tricks with me and everything will be fine.

I'm in the middle of dying my hair so I'm a little distracted so this entry is going to be erratic. (Light Brown from Black if you were wondering)

Anyways I had a really great time, and i am going to get a really great tan! Plus I was assured once again that Mike likes ME and probably isn't going anywhere. Thoughts of Maid's, 21-year-old school girls, and Housewive that are thin and fit, THOSE are the ideas I need to have (I can play any part as I told Mike haha)

I am starting to get really body concious after seeing all these hot chicks in bikini's on the beach. I don't know why, I love my body but I need to get a little more thin and a LOT more toned. And today I didn't go to the gym with Mike, and he probably is going to think *she's never going to get in shape like she says she wants to* but whatever, i had eBay and hair dying to do. But as of Monday it's 3 days a week NO MATTER what! Running, Tonning and everything, i just want to look hot in my bathingsuit, which is something i havent been able to do for 4 years! After every post I'm going to list my weight, even if it's the onyl thing in my post, just to keep track of myself and MAKE SURE I keep motivation high and cup-o-soups low on the agenda!

Ok now to eBay...(and MTV MADE, but shh Don't Tell)

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Fortune 500 Not For Me!

Yesterday was amazing.
I was on my way to the gym and somehow got lost and wound up in central park, Nyc lol. 30 miles and $15 worth of gas was well worth the trip to realise I don't miss living there as much as I thought I did. I have a problem holding onto the past, things that were amazing I want to hold on forever, even if they really aren't that amazing.
Sitting in the park was wonderful and exciting for about 30 minutes, then I just wanted to crawl back home, onto my deck with my boyfriend, and sit back and relax looking onto the open bay.
It frightens me how much i have changed since moving home a year ago. But all things considered, they have been amazing changes. I have finally found my place in God, found my place in school, and found my place in life in general. And I now know that I DO want the white picket fense life, and although many people (mike) think thats what every girls wants it's not.
Alot of us just want to become huge CEO's at some Fortune 500 company (Tiffany I luv Ya!), but there are a few of us 1950's girls left here in NY, who want to get married, have kids, and live our lives *the old fashioned way*

To all of you who think like that Kudos, and to all those who don't, Kudos as well. Whatever works!

Now THIS is good technology...

For anyone running DASHBOARD on your Apple computer this is the most amazing widget ever.
It posts new posts right from your dashboard, that means every impulse you can write about and every event captured lol.
You can find it here:
And whats the BEST is there is no need for REPUBLISHING time!!!
It's instant!
I love apple!

It's Not A Blog, It's A Journal

When I was around 12 I started to write journals. They were my release to the world of what I was feeling and what I was going through. Now I am starting a blog, although it's more of a journal that will be stored in cyber space forever (hopefully ha).

This blog is about the adventures of a 21-year-old New York spontaniously combusting girl who is finding her way through life (original right?)